Friday, July 18, 2008

GREEK RULES OF THE ROAD

Dear Friends,

When I first arrived back here on Crete, I decided to study the methodology with which Greek motorists operate their vehicles. It took me a while, but I think that I have finally figured out the Greek Rules of the Road:

(1) If you are making a left-hand turn, honk your horn and then turn left...or right if your prefer.

(2) If you are making a right-hand turn, honk your horn and then turn right...or left if you prefer.

(3) If you are preparing to stop, honk your horn, and then keep going.

(4) If you are backing up, honk your horn until you hit something. If you don’t hit anything, then you have not backed up far enough.

(5) If you are passing someone on a narrow two-lane mountain road, honk your horn as you force them off the road and onto the shoulder (or over the cliff, if applicable).

(6) If you come to an intersection that has a “Stop Sign”, honk your horn and then play “chicken”.

(7) If a pedestrian walks out in front of you, honk your horn. If you feel a sudden thump, then you know that you have added another ornament to the grill of your car.

(8) If a dog or cat runs in front of you, honk your horn. Then, pick up the fresh road kill, take it home, and make souvlaki.

(9) If your car’s engine should stall in heavy traffic, honk your horn incessantly. This will make the cars behind you think the fellow in front of you is holding up the traffic.

(10) If you have been drinking, it is alright to go ahead and drive your vehicle. Just make sure that you take along a “Designated Honker”.

(11) If you should happen to see an attractive young woman walking along the sidewalk, honk your horn at her.

(12) If you should happen to see an ugly woman walking along the sidewalk, honk your horn at her as a warning.

(13) And lastly, if your horn is broken, under NO circumstances should you attempt to operate your vehicle – it is unsafe!

Take care, stay well, and let me hear from you.

Your Friend and Fellow “Silent Warrior”,
Bob (DareDevil) Armistead

3 comments:

William said...

Bobby, you forgot to upload photos of the pretty girl, the roadkill, and the souvlaki, and you forgot rule 14. I understand why you missed it because it has nothing to do with a horn. Rule 14: If you come upon a shepard with his flock and you run over one, back up and run over 5 or 6 more. I believe the magic number was 5 or more, but if he has 5 or more of his flock killed it is his fault because he didn't have his flock under control. I believe that Greece is the world leader in importing automobile horns, and rhe leader in exporting unused brake pads. Cheers, and keep 'em coming. Bill Simmons

RMFerris said...

Bob,
Your posts have transported us to a place and time that will forever be with us. Each of your shared observations brings us that much closer to the unique feel of Crete and its people. Thanks so much. Roger Ferris

mac said...

Bob,I heard that the new drivers training base for INDY 500 drivers may move to Crete...Mac