Thursday, July 7, 2011

Safely on Crete...with JET LAG!!!

Dear Friends,

Many of us take along needless items when we travel which usually results in over-packing. With the additional costs levied against those whose baggage weight exceeds the limits established by the airline, this can be a costly move. Just three pounds over the 50 pound limit could have resulted in an additional $400+ fee being added to my travel expenses. So, over the years I have managed to trim my needs to a bare minimum, which is no easy task in view of the fact that I must take enough provisions to last me for an entire three month period of time. However, there is one item that so far I have not been able to shed or leave behind - jet lag! Yes....JET LAG! I have attempted many diverse remedies in what appears thus far to be a futile drive to eliminate jet lag. At the recommendation of others I have eaten only a light meal before taking off, and at the insistance of other travel "experts", I have eaten a very large meal prior to take large in fact that I was fearful I might be charged additional fees for the added weight. Neither of these worked. I was told that two or three (or four+) stiff drinks before takeoff would eliminate jet lag, but I was afraid that it might eliminate my trip altogether - plus, I might board the wrong aircraft and end up in a third-world country like Bangladesh or North Dakota. Others have told me that taking a sleeping pill after the aircraft has taken off would work wonders, but I was concerned that in the event of a complete aircraft failure, I might just sleep through the whole damn thing and miss all of the excitement! Another told me that going to the rear of the aircraft and doing leg squats and knee bends would aid in preventing jet lag. But after doing this, the airline attendents begin whispering and pointing in my direction while making notes in a small black book. So this year, in an act of desperation, I did the following: I ate a very small meal before departing Nashville, and after arriving in Newark, New Jersey, I ate a very large meal. Then after boarding the plane, I immediately went to the lavatory and purged myself (that is "polite" talk for self-induced vomiting). After returning to my seat I popped a sleeping pill followed by the 3 or 4 stiff drinks previously mentioned. Then while I was still barely able to stagger, I removed myself to the rear of the aircraft where I proceeded to do the knee lifts and leg bends, just before collapsing into a twisted wreckage of human limbs and body parts. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the Athens airport. Now I know what you are about to ask: Did it cure my jet lag? Are you crazy?! Why, Hell no it didn't cure my jet lag, but it sure took my mind off it!!!

If any of you should have any suggestions for eliminating jet lag...please keep them to yourself!

Take care, stay well, and let me hear from you.

Your Friend and Fellow "Silent Warrior",

Bob Armistead


Kennesaw, GA said...

-Regarding the weigh issue....just leave the barbells at home. They gotta add a few pounds.
Kennesaw, GA

Bob (Bobby) said...

Dear Don,

Your are probably right! LOL. Actually, I left them with my landlords here on Crete when I came for my annual pilgrimage in 2009. So, when I come here each year now, my barbells are already here. It is my dumbell (ME) that I am worried about! LOL.

Your Friend and Fellow "Silent Warrior",


Pete said...

Bob, two words: baggage compartment.

Donna Coffin said...

Hi Bob! Was wondering how things are going - haven't seen you post in awhile. Lookin forward to the pictures and stories you post along your travels! Kepp in touch!